Speaker 0 (0s): Welcome to the Tim Heale Podcast. If you have the time, you can not only listen to the episodes, but you can also watch all the shows, and you'll find the links in the description below. thank you.
Boom, I'm in the room. Good evening, good morning, good afternoon, wherever you are watching from. My name is Lord Heale, and you are here because there's nothing on the telly, and I'm coming to you from the old Heale manor.
Now, today we've got a guest. What we're gonna talk about today is obviously, it's all about taking the, the stigma out of mental health, mental wellbeing. And today we're gonna cover disability or disabled abuse, why people abuse disabled people, and what effect that that could have on them. So without further ado, I'll bring my guest in now.
This is win. Welcome
Speaker 2 (1m 19s): Thank you for having me on.
Speaker 0 (1m 21s): You are most welcome. I've been looking forward to this for a few weeks now. So when you was Born with Cerebral Palsy,
Speaker 2 (1m 31s): Yes.
Speaker 0 (1m 32s): So I was growing up, growing up with Cerebral Palsy. I mean, that's a, a challenge on a daily basis in itself. So. yeah, it's, if you can tell us, if you can tell us a little bit about yourself, and then we'll have the conversation about abuse and mental wellbeing and all the rest of it. So the platform is yours.
Speaker 2 (1m 59s): Sure. For those of you who don't know what Ceal Palsy, ISCE, prop Palsy is a LAC of oxygen. Oxygen in Git both. I was born with it in 1987. And I was born at 27 weeks, one pound, 13 ounces. And for those of you that would like to follow my journey, Tim will have this all my information stuck in the show notes on the YouTube channel and on the podcast.
So Tim will have all my information stuck in the show notes. And I have my own podcast, ICEO disability, and it talks about disability awareness as we, as if we are the CEOs of all disabilities. And there's only one disability, there's only one us even though there's millions of disabilities.
And today, what we're going to talk about is my view story. And today also what we're going to talk about is my, how the pandemic affected the disabled.
Speaker 0 (3m 34s): Fantastic. I think that's a really good brief on, on where you've come from and how you've kind of got to where you are. So should we start with the, the effects of the pandemic? Because I mean, the pandemic Yes, please. I mean, so many of us were locked down and, and the, the effects that it had on mental wellbeing for me, I, I, I turned to, to my good old friend, spice Rum. And I, and I gotta a stage where I'm thinking this isn't clever.
So I, I cut back on the Spice Rum and started a podcast. So that's how I dealt with being locked up. So for somebody with a disability, that must be even worse.
Speaker 2 (4m 23s): It, it was because not only could you not go out, but the only people that you were seen were ate. You can go to doctor's appointments, you can go to, you can go out physically just like everyone else could. So it made people depressed.
It made me depressed. And I'll admit that it made everyone depressed because at the time they were calling it, seeing the pod. And in my pod was my aid, my stepmom, my no, my, my aide, my stepmom, and me, my stepsister wasn't even there because my stepsister at the time was in Denver Colorado, which is four hours away from me.
So. it was really interesting living with someone who was itching to go to work. I turned to podcasting. I started my podcasting in 2010, but during the pandemic, I upgrade my podcast. And I was doing podcasting every single day. And I was also trying to, in the midst of me working, I was also trying to keep myself sane in at home.
So I turned to the YouTube. I also tend to podcasting, but in the meantime, I was PO being a podcast show host like I always did. And those episodes will be coming out soon. They are now lost on my computer. But those episodes will be coming out soon. So, you guys could hear what went on in my life during the pandemic. And for those of you that don't know, I am now sitting in lovely Phoenix, Arizona, and you can see I'm in a wheelchair.
And you can also see the coffee cups behind me. It's real life people. It's real life. And so the reason why I moved to Phoenix, Arizona is because I got a amazing housing opportunity that I couldn't turn down. So within 24 hours with help, I was buying a condo in Phoenix, Arizona. Yes, I'm nuts to move to a total hip state with a covid vaccine.
Mind you, one covid vaccine and a assistant who I barely knew. And I packed up my vehicle, my vehicle, which happens to be a handicapped accessible van, and packed my duffle bag moved 10 hours away from everything I knew, everything I knew, everything I had, everything I, yeah, because in 2010, I lost my mom to a playing am.
And in 2019, I lost my dad And. that leads to my next subject, which is emotional and physical abuse of the disabled. In 2019, on June 23rd, 2019, the day after my 33rd birthday, which happened to be June 22nd. So immediately after the day after my 33rd birthday, my mom's sisters had come into town because after my mom died in 2010, one of her sisters started emotionally abusing me and left me crying in the bathtub, calling Lily, crying in the bathtub, calling me spoiled white trash.
And so that was in 2010 as her sister was dying and ly induc. And then my dad, my dad said to my abuser, go away. I don't want anything to do with you, nor do I want win to have anything to do with you either. So they left my life for my mom's family, left my life for about 10, I sorry, nine years because it was 2010, 10 when she died, nine years.
So my mom's family left my life, no contact, no nothing. And then after my dad died, they came out of the woodwork, stuck, started flying. SHIT started to hit the fan because my family thought, okay, now that wind's dad has passed away, we can come and take all the care.
Well, at the time, I had my aide and my stepmom, my stepmom was going to work and a full-time job while trying to manage my care and manage everything else. And my aide was being my assistant, being my cook, being my housekeeper. She went from housekeeper to cook and assistant to me, my personal assistant, and helping me getting dressed every single day.
And there were times I didn't even see my stepmom because she was working so much. And so on June 23rd, 2019, my two aunts all went to town. And I thought they, I agreed to having my birthday celebrated with them because I thought they would go show me a nice birthday and help me, you know, this mess of the losing my dad and help me with suggestions and help me with help not hire lawyers and hire help to help me.
And so in, on June 23rd, that 1:00 PM in the afternoon, my aunt goes, well, maybe it was 3:00 PM My aunt goes, come on. When it is time to go get dressed, me being me, me being the dumb dumb follows my aunt downstairs.
Now, you gotta remember, my aunt was in the lumpy mood to begin with, and she was a heavy alcoholic. And she was just in Gru mood. And she did marijuana, cocaine and everything else, all my life. And then on top of it, losing her baby sister. And when I say baby, there's 10 years between them.
She's in the fifties. My mom was in the fi, she was, my mom was in the fifties when she died. The sister was in the forties. So there's 10 years between them. There's also 10 years between myself and my cousin, her son. So to give you perspective there. And so she was mean that day, treated my mom, treated my stepmom as if she was the help.
And she says, come on, win. It is time to go get dressed. Well, me being the, let's follow my family member downstairs. I'm putting this in their clothes for everyone that's listening. And me being my obedient fellow of the family member downstairs, I didn't know what was going to happen next. I knew that I needed help getting dressed because at the time, I knew that I had Cerebral, Palsy, CP, but I didn't know how it would impact me.
And so my aunt immediately closes the door, as soon as we get down stiff and my aides know that I have open door palsy, I am my own guardian. I, they know this. My bedroom door stays open. Anyone who's in the house can walk in my bedroom, grab the load of laundry, do whatever, and my bedroom, without my knowledge, everyone knows us.
I knew from the second she closed the door that I was getting a meal. Now, her first question to me is, how's your home life? And I backed myself up further to a bench. I sit on that bench, they closed the door. When I say they, my abuser. And her sister, her sister had, her sister has since apologized to me.
And so when I wouldn't say, okay, contacts were not great, but were in okay contacts. And so, but her sister kept egging, egging the abuser on egging the abuser on. And how, you gotta remember, this is my godmother that's now abusing me. So my mom decided within the classic church to make her sister my godmother, giving you another frame of reference they give.
Yeah, it is another frame of reference there. And in that baptismal queen in the Catholic church, it says, the godparents must help the kids after the parents die. Well, not, it didn't say abuse, the the child. And so that's whole another story himself. And so when I got, when the questioning was over, I got put in a chair rolling office chair, a Homeland Miller bowling office chair.
I got stripped down naked. And then I got put in my shower against my will. My aunt was so abusive at that time. She said to my, she said, we need a laser now to shave wind. And typically you don't say that screaming at the top of your lungs. And so my, her sister goes to the top of ghost, to the bottom of my stairs and calls my, my steps, who runs up to the mass bedroom where my stepmom is and says, mom, mom, mom, we need a raise now.
And my stepmom doesn't know what's going on. She just hands Juliette the razor thinking, okay, they need a razor. I don't know what's going on, but all hand Juliet a razor. And so, and my abuser drags, my stepsister, Juliette down a set of down two set of two sets of stairs.
And then it lands up being that Juliet goes, gets dragged into my bathroom and sees my pubic hair of all things. And then they lay me back on a bed. And by this time, my aide, my aide, my step on, and Juliet were in the room. By this time, they've all figured out that I am now being abused by my aunt.
And so it's like, oh boy, here we go. And so my aunt said, shave, we must shave wind like a dog. And she said that, so matter of factly that so Mad Ling that we were all shocked and my aide was shaking in the boobs because she was, my family was supporting me financially. And so the aide was being made, the aide did not touch me all back to that cray clear every statement, every time I can tell this.
So I publicly, I'll make this clear that the aide did not touch me. And so what happened was I reported the, reported my abuser to Adult Protective Services. She now has a record. How that happened is I went to counseling. The counselor said, do you feel safe at home? And I said, yes, but this is what's happening has happened.
She called Adult Protective Services because what the dumb, dumb didn't realize is my ability didn't realize is she was abusing a man, a mandatory reporter. And a mandatory reporter is a teacher, teacher of any aids any age. And so, so my teaching background, I got the cause and mandatory reporting. And basically if you see something weird when a kid comes into class, a young kid comes in class, you say something to adult, to child protective surfaces.
And so basically it led to do I call, do I call Adult Protective Services on this person or does my counselor call Adult Protective Services? I decided not to be the boy that called Wolf because a lot of the disabled could call Adult protective services if they know how to use the phone. And I didn't want to make it a boiled like wolf situation.
And so, but my stepmom didn't do anything. My aide didn't do anything. Actually, my stood up and did the first witness statement, but that day my stepmom didn't do anything to get my abuse outta my health and So. yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Speaker 0 (21m 41s): So, so what was the actual outcome? And o obviously
Speaker 2 (21m 45s): The actual outcome is my abuser now has a record and my abuser has, we have no contact. My abuser knows I'm down in Phoenix, Arizona, and now I did not move because of my abuse. That was part of it. The, that the abuse was part of me moving, but the abuse wasn't the whole kitchen caboodle of me moving.
And I moved for financial reasons. And then the outcome was that my abuser and I have had no contact since 2019. She has a weapon. She, I went to Adult Protective Services, did all that and did a professional interview destroying matchup Adult Protective Services.
Apparently when I was told all this, I asked her, the case was closed Adult Protective Services called both my aunts, which would've been Adult Protective Services and the Aspen Pickin County cops, Aspen call Pickin County cops called my aunt and my abusers said, well, I didn't do anything wrong. They're like, oh, yes you did.
And yes, you did. According to all slave witness statements, it would've been four. But the fourth person left. Oh yes, you did. And his, your record, thank you very much. Goodbye. Don't have any contact with win. And they told me not to do the same. They told me to do the same thing. And God, if she walks through this doll right now, I would call the cops and have her vested and put a restraining order against her.
And maybe her sister, that I didn feels right, but her sister apologized to me. So, but if my abuser walks through the job right now, I would call the cops and call and get help.
Speaker 0 (24m 14s): So what effect does that had on your mental wellbeing?
Speaker 2 (24m 20s): Well, I had to figure out what CP was afterwards. I And that went out as I had to figure that one out. I asked PT and I asked a PT student, what is CP? And they told me, and then I moved. And so I'm in a lot safer position now than I was with my stepmom, my aid and the abuse.
And so I am slowly, slowly, slowly over overcoming that. But the pandemic and the abuse made me depressed.
Speaker 0 (25m 6s): So how have you actually overcome that? Now?
Speaker 2 (25m 10s): I, by talking about, by talking about and working on my mental health, I am going to weekly support group for mental health, codependence Anonymous. And I, it's a world renowned, it's a world renowned support group. We have support groups internationally too. And for those of you who listening internationally, if you just Google Codependence Anonymous, you'll, it will pop up on Google.
I know it will. And then I see a counselor twice a month. And that's going be temporarily changed only because I'm having back, back surgery. But my family knows I'm having back surgery and know they're not coming out to help. I have other people helping me and my family saying, good luck and I hope it don't works out for you. And they won't leave the home in the Bahamas.
They have stated that they're getting older. And so when they have house challenges and they won't leave camp, leave and don't wanna leave.
Speaker 0 (26m 38s): Okay. So, so what advice would you give to anybody that's having similar issues where being abused by somebody,
Speaker 2 (26m 48s): What would your
Speaker 0 (26m 49s): Advice back
Speaker 2 (26m 50s): Get help, get help get help, get help. And when I say that the abuser won't allow you to get help, but as soon as the abuse is done, you either run and call Adult Protective Services or if they're abusing, if aide is abusing a kid, you confront that aide, you confront that aide with Child Protective Services because nine times out of 10, the aides can abuse the kids and anyone could abuse anyone.
It can be a family member. It could be a neighbor down the street, it could be a certified aide. Anyone could abuse anyone. So get help and get the counseling. Tell a mandatory reporter whether it is a police, whether it is a social worker, whether a social worker can do it, depending on the case, whether it is a teacher, I don't care what age, whether it is a friend and they have to call Adult Protective Services or Child Protective Services.
And for those parents who have AIDS in the house with your kids, get them background checks. There's ways to do it and get some background checks and make sure everything is safe. And then care.com does a pretty good background check. And then kid.com is, doesn't have aids, but get help tell people don't, because a lot of abuse hide it until they get so depressed.
They do something stupid. Stupid begins with a s and ends with the side. And so the stupidity I'm talking about begins with a capital S and ends with the side. And because I don't want this video to be taken down, I am saying the words fill in the white people, but fill
Speaker 0 (29m 19s): In the Yeah, I mean we, we, we covered that on the, on the show a lot. Oh, we, yeah.
Speaker 2 (29m 24s): So
Speaker 0 (29m 24s): From, from a veteran's point of view,
Speaker 2 (29m 26s): Okay, veterans have a, veterans have the capital s they because of what they've seen. And so people being stupid will get depressed because they don't have help And that. Yeah. It all goes downhill. So I am saying get help, get help, get help, get help to the best of your ability. You can even type out on a, a system communication device help, I am being abused and someone should know that if they have common sense or if you type a help, I need help.
I need to call 9 1 1 1. Someone should figure out if they know you well enough, how to help you. But I'm saying get help
Speaker 0 (30m 29s): Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (30m 29s): And come out and talk about it.
Speaker 0 (30m 33s): Yeah. And that's, that's that's the way it is. Come out and talk about
Speaker 2 (30m 35s): Publicly come out and talk about it. Yeah. To a counselor.
Speaker 0 (30m 41s): It it, it does help to, to talk about these things, to get it in the open and get it dealt with and, and yeah. And the sooner you can do it, the better it is for everybody.
Speaker 2 (30m 52s): Yeah.
Speaker 0 (30m 56s): Well win. I think that's been a fascinating story and thank you for sharing that. I think it's one of those important things that, that, that tends to be ignored, goes under the radar for, for, for not just for people with disabilities, but for, for anybody that's in the, in needing some care.
Speaker 2 (31m 19s): Yes.
Speaker 0 (31m 20s): And and I thank you for sharing that. Yeah,
Speaker 2 (31m 24s): Exactly. And the one other thing I wanted to say before we exit completely is I know the elderly adults who may be watching the, the sons daughters baby watching this ask be hawks, be eagles in the hawks in those nursing homes because elderly abuse happens. And so if they say, oh, everything's fine, I want your families to dig deeper, dig deeper, deep, deeper, deep, deeper.
Because you see it on the news all the time. Yeah. And there's a public line in nursing homes and rehab and public can call, and I know people have called on my dad because of his lack of account, he was in the rehab. So due to he had cancer and then died six days later after diagnosis. That was a whole as a story in itself.
And so publicly, people can call the states wherever they are, or people can call internationally if during England and you suspect that your mother or father or son or daughter, whoever ever in rehab is something's fishy going on. And we're not talking about fish and chips either. Yeah.
We're talk something fishy going on in that environment. Call, report, ask the question. Absolutely. And I don't care. I can go looking at you nuts. I don't care. Yeah.
Speaker 0 (33m 22s): It, it's, it's better to get it reported and if nothing's wrong, nothing's hurt. Yeah. But if you don't report it and it gets out of hand Yeah. Then, then anything can happen
Speaker 2 (33m 35s): Because you see it on the news all the time. Yep. You see it on the news all the time. Elderly abuse happens. Oh, su q fell and oh, we didn't do anything. She fell on her own. If you think as the guarantee, as a guardian who moves Yeah. Their parents into assisted living, something fishing is going on, ask questions, dig deeper.
Speaker 0 (34m 6s): If you suspect something, report it. Yep. And that's, that's the best advice that we can give.
Speaker 2 (34m 13s): Yep.
Speaker 0 (34m 15s): Whirlwind, thank you so much for your time. That's been fascinating. thank you.
Speaker 2 (34m 21s): Thank you.
Speaker 0 (34m 23s): You are welcome. So there you go. That's some real sound advice. If, if you suspect that somebody you love or yourself that's in care is being abused, the best thing you can do is report it, get it out in the open, get somebody in to check it out. So until next time, thank you again. TTFN, Tatar for now.
Welcome to the Tim Heale podcast. If you have the time, you can not only listen to the episodes, but you can also watch all the shows and you'll find the links in the description below.